Oke Aruleba@Deprof
Research findings have clearly revealed that learners of the English Language fail their English examination because they have not been adequately exposed to the basic grammatical principles and examination techniques.
Besides, the students do not know that English is such a crazy language that needs serious attention.
Quite frankly, a student has to be well grounded in grammar or should I say, he has to be ‘mad’ grammatically in order to pass all English examinations.
The English language, apart from being a living subject, is used or spoken by nearly all the races in the world. This language, unlike logic, does not follow any logical pattern. For instance, in philosophy the following propositions can hold water:
a) All doctors are kind.
b) Nifemi is a doctor.
c) Therefore, Nifemi is kind. (This is quite logical).
However, such rules of logic without problem cannot be applied to English. Consider this analysis for instance: if the PAST TENSE of PREACH is PREACHED, should the past tense of TEACH not be TEACHED? Put simply, if the past tense of TEACH is TAUGHT should the past tense of PREACH not be PRAUGHT?
In a nutshell, the English language is full of paradoxes, the explanations of which will elude the great grammarians of this age. A ring is ROUND in shape but a boxing ring is SQUARE!
You make amends in English not one amend. Quick sand moves slowly.
If a VEGETARIAN eats vegetables, what does a HUMANITARIAN eat? HUMANS? It is grammatical to say that Mr Obama has a RUNNY NOSE, but the question is: does Obama’s nose have legs?
If a WRITER writes, then what does a FINGER do? Does it FING?
Does a HAMMER ham? Can we say with accuracy that there is DOG MEAT in HOTDOG? Is there any corn in CORNED BEEF?
Are SANDWICHES made from sand? I am not positive that a GUINEA PIG is a PIG nor is it from GUINEA.
There is no PINE in PINEAPPLE nor is it an apple. If LOOK and SEE have almost the same meaning, is it correct to say that OVERLOOK and OVERSEE are synonymous?
You will all agree with me that PROS and CONS are words with the opposite meanings. Can we rightly say therefore that PROGRESS is the opposite word for CONGRESS?
Modern English says the plural of TOOTH is TEETH, should it not be logical as well as grammatical to have BEET as the plural of BOOT?
When an English man says that there is no love lost between President Muhammadu Buhari and the Vice President Yemi Osinbajo , he means that they DISLIKE each other.
Do you know that we drive on a PARKWAY while we park in a DRIVEWAY? Does it not sound funny? But the above expression is quite correct.
English is a very funny, no, a CRAZY language, the mastery of which will require the learner to receive the baptism of ‘GRAMMATICAL MADNESS’.
Most students do not know that a man who has just been swindled of his money is a DUPE while the person who swindled him is a CONMAN or a SWINDLER, not a DUPER!
Moreover, a TROUBLESHOOTER cannot be a TROUBLEMAKER. I am very positive that a TROUBLE MAKER makes trouble while a TROUBLE SHOOTER settles disputes.
Modern English violates the rule governing the process of word-building with suffixes when it allows a person who sweeps to be called a SWEEPER and at the same time refers to a person who sweeps the CHIMNEY as a CHIMNEY SWEEP not a ‘chimney sweeper’.
It is quite grammatical to say “It is high time or time we LEFT the room when we are yet to step out of the same room.
Equally, the room can be OUT OF BOUNDS to all visitors not ‘out of bound’ as most learners of English are fond of saying. The awkward expression: “I do not know Taiwo’s WHEREABOUT” has gained currency over “I do not know Taiwo’s WHEREABOUTS”, which is the standard usage.
Do you know that the expressions: i) ‘It pays IN THE LONG RUN’ ‘not on the long run’ to buy goods of high quality.’, and ii) ‘I love my wife’s KNICKER BOCKERS, not ‘KNICKER BURGER’ are grammatically correct sentences? There is no BURGER in KNICKER BOCKERS.
It is grammatically deviant for a doctor to tell Felix that he has CONTACTED HIV when he is supposed to say that Felix has CONTRACTED HIV.
Modern English permits us to say that Felix is a CONTACT because he has just been exposed to a contagious disease.
“Stop shouting at me”, not “Stop shouting on me’, is the formal expression an educated speaker of English will use to call an unruly person to order.
Moreover, Standard English will permit us to say that Ayobami is good at Mathematics, Economics or in any subject. In the same vein, Bunkayo can be weak in Physics or hopeless in Badminton.
A British man, who exclaimed: “God! I have searched every NOOK and CRANNY for the book but I cannot find it”, is trying to show his linguistic and communicative competence in English. But an uneducated English speaker will use the wrong words: NOOK and CORNER.
‘Chief Aruleba has FIFTY HEAD OF CATTLE’ (not fifty heads of cattles), ‘Michael REQUESTED more paper during the examination’ or ‘Michael made a REQUEST FOR more paper during the examination.’ are correct expressions in English.
In the same way, expressions such as: ‘Bisola ORDERED twenty bags of beans.’ and ‘Oyindamola placed an ORDER FOR thirty bags of rice.” are very sound constructions in English.
Learners of English should also take cognizance of the following expression in English:
‘Rex said it IN MY HEARING (not to my hearing). ‘More POWER (not GREASE) to your elbow!’ ‘Pack your bags and BAGGAGE (not baggages)’. ‘
Choice was pulling my LEG (not my legs).’ ‘ Joshua always plays TRUANT (not truancy)’. ‘The journey will not be successful from the OUTSET (not onset)’. ‘At the ONSET (not outset) of the epidemic frantic efforts were made to curb it’. ‘The PROOF (not taste) of the pudding is in the eating.’ ‘What’s SAUCE (not good) for the goose is sauce for the gander’. ‘Let us start FROM SCRATCH (not from the scratch)’. ‘There is a WAKE (not wake-keeping) in the house of the deceased’. ‘There is going to be a VIGIL (not night vigil) in the church tomorrow’. ‘Suddenly, IN THE TWINKLING OF AN EYE (not in a twinkle of an eye), her whole life had been turned upside down’. ‘My mother will not PUT IN AN APPEARANCE there (not put up an appearance)’. ‘The matter is BETWEEN YOU AND ME (not between you and I)’. ‘The whole place was in A SHAMBLES (not in shambles)’.
‘We have to be ON THE ALERT (not at alert)’. ‘Angel is a young GOSSIP (not a young gossiper)’. ‘Bimpe is a CHEAT (not a cheater)’.
‘The boy is a SWINDLER (not a 419)’.
Rest assured that your linguistic and communicative competence will be enhanced the very moment you GET COMPLETELY BATIFIED.
While wishing you an enjoyable reading, REMEMBER to VOTE BOLA AHMED TINUBU FOR PRESIDENT!